My name is Tina, welcome to my blog. If you’re here, it’s no accident. This is more like a haphazard diary, and it is read by invitation only. So far, 03/28/2024, nobody has been invited. ha ha

My life is at times interesting, unbelievable, sad, happy, amazing, depressing, it always feels more….everything….when I write. When it’s just me and my thoughts, it’s mundane, and then I have a conversation with someone and their eyes widen and sometimes they tell me I should write a book. I suppose I have had the opportunity to experience more than some, for that I am grateful. I’m the type of person though, it will never be enough. Nothing will ever be enough. “What drive you have” “No wonder you’re so successful”. But really? I wish I could be satisfied, that what I have and who I am could be “enough”. That sounds so relaxing. I can’t relax. When I have it good, I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. When it’s bad, it feels like it’ll never be good again. But if you stop to rest life will pass you by. If you’re a mother, especially a working mother, in a leadership role, there’s no time for taking care of yourself. You better keep moving, or somebody else will have your position and you’ll be in a welfare line. And since I refuse to go back to that, I keep going. Even when I don’t want to, even when I burst into tears driving down the road, or have a panic attack at the grocery store, or can’t force myself to brush my teeth and wash my face. Just put another layer of makeup on. Slap on some high heels, fake a smile, and never miss a meeting. Always under commit and over deliver. Keep your word, execute- on everything. It’s not perfect, but that’s how I keep my shit together.

I’m me and I’m here, doing life, and being pretty damn successful. And I made it here handling things my way. For as long as I can remember, I hid insecurities, depression, and downright misery, putting on a perpetual façade to project exactly what was expected of me.

Then last year, I met the love of my life, and all the emptiness, hopelessness, depression and misery just… melted away. For so long, I was just doing the best I could to hold it together. But now, I live in technicolor, I enjoy life, even the bad days don’t feel so bad, I look forward to waking up next to him every day, and I know that for once, I am right where I am meant to be.